I am awake.
I haven’t been sleeping.
In fact, I don’t remember the last time I really slept well.
It shouldn’t be that hard to fall asleep.
I have counted 685,432 sheep.
I have tried the Aromatherapy candles and oils from Bath & Body works.
I have tried reading. Meditating.
I switched off my phone. When nothing worked, I turned it back on.
Australian bushfires. The fascists in India.
An unstable Iraq.
Brexit. Donald Trump.
The Oscar nominations.
Things I could have said.
Things I didn’t say.
The endless list of things my mind keeps jumping around.
Chatter. Chatter. Chatter.
Like a 24×7 news channel.
Keeps yapping things.
Tells me, I am going to fail.
I am not good enough.
That there is no hope.
That there is no point trying.
“You can’t change the world.”
“It will continue burning.”
I might as well sleep.
But, I can’t sleep.
People screaming. Houses burning.
I stay awake.
Maybe it’s worth writing again so that the monster in my head finds a way out.
Maybe I have forgotten to use words.
Will I find them?
Or have they disappeared into the silent abyss of solitude.
Or will I lose words, just like I have lost my sleep.