“Are you sure you want to drop me home?” she asked, not quite certain how she felt about it. “The driver can take me you know. It’s just 10 minutes away.”
“Yes. I get to spend 10 extra minutes in your company.” he smiled.
“And you think those 10 minutes will improve your luck?”
“It’s better than wondering what if all my life.”
“Alright. You can get in the car.” she smiled. She had just met him. He was charming and persistent. There was this strange confidence about him that was endearing. It wasn’t a date. She was engaged. She wasn’t interested in this stranger. But then, he was really persistent. “But, I hope you realise it’s rather pointless. I’m engaged.”
“Like I said, I just want to spend 10 minutes of my life with you. You don’t owe me anything.”
“And what will 10 minutes of time with me give you at the end? Disappointment?”
“You’ve got it wrong. I am not concerned about what’s at the end of these 10 minutes. It could be anything really…. For me it’s about the many moments in those 10 minutes. Spending a few moments getting to know you. Even if I never get to see you after this. I don’t want to waste anymore of it. Can I ask you a question?”
“I don’t see any other way for me to amuse myself so ask away.”
“What’s your deepest fear?”
She didn’t expect this question. “What do you mean deepest fear?”
“You know… deepest fear. You were apprehensive about spending time with me. It just got me thinking what is it that is holding you back.”
“Well, for starters I wasn’t sure if I wanted you to get any ideas that anything is going to happen between us.”
“What did you think will happen?”
“That I will find your persistence endearing. That a part of my need to feel acknowledged, loved and that deep longing for someone to want to know me – not just physically but so unconditionally, not wanting anything in return…. just by wanting to spend time with me…. I wouldn’t call it a deep fear. It’s more like unchartered territory. There’s really no rule to this you know.”
“You think life is lived by rules?”
“Rules make it easy. There is right and wrong and you know what to choose. It’s all very clear.”
“What about the grey? The in-between? When there is doubt?”
“I listen to me heart.” she said spontaneously.
“Shouldn’t that be how one lives their life?”
“Well… but then my heart gets me into trouble. It can get me emotional, and attached and make me take stupid decisions. What’s the stupidest decision your heart got you to do?”
“I wouldn’t call it a stupid decision. Calling it stupid makes it seem like there was some thought to it. I decide from my heart so it’s never a stupid decision. it’s just a choice I loved. Like this one…. It was my choice to want to have a conversation with you.”
“May I ask you the reason for making this choice?”
“My heart knows no reason.”
“Now you are flirting!”
“Ofcourse I am. The 10 minutes need to count for something right? But answering your question, I saw in you a beautiful soul, filled with love yet caged. Like you were waiting for something to happen. Waiting for life. Waiting for something wonderful…. Waiting….”
“And you think I was waiting for you?”
“No. I don’t have such grand illusions about myself. But, I wanted to know what is it that you are waiting for?”
“Please stop in front of the red building.” she said to the driver. “So, this is me….”
“Is it? Is this really you? What is it about you… what are you waiting for?” He was looking into her eyes now. He meant every single word of what he was saying.
She looked him in the eye. Smiled and in a voice that was clear and very sure told him what was in her heart, “I am waiting to go home.”
Ramblings of Anusha 