She was pacing.
Walking the length and breadth of her room.
The phone in her hand was at the receiving end of her anger until the real culprit manifested himself.
She hated it when he did this!
“Pick up the phone!!! AAAAARRRRGH”
She flung the phone on to her bed and lay down staring at the ceiling.
The tears in her eyes welled up. It blurred the chipped paint pattern she was staring at and merged into some kind of swirling pattern right before her.
The phone, possibly too afraid to go on a full ring, gave a faint beep.
She picked it up.
“Why the f*** do you do this? Every single time! This isn’t fair or right!” she let out all the pent up anger.
“I keep waiting ALL THE TIME! And you don’t call or let me know what’s going on with you! You just don’t! it’s hard enough that you aren’t around and we have this weird screen between us! I worry, ok? Like I know how crazy things are out there and how it’s not safe! You know this… You know me better than anyone… And yet, you just choose to not talk! Just not communicate!”
She was breaking down now. Her anger mixed with her sadness. The tears were harder to fight. Her voice was shaking.
“I understand… ok. Or at least I try… It’s not easy pretending that everything is normal and casual. I try not to feel it. To forget this thing that I feel about you. How do I know what it is when I’ve never felt like this before? You are like this nauseating pain, this itch in my brain, this nagging heaviness in my heart that refuses to go away. I don’t understand it. It’s bloody agonizing, to say the least!
I’m smart. Funny. Intelligent. Not that bad looking either. Around you though… I feel like a different person. Like none of that matters. You see right through all of my act. I HATE IT! It annoys me. The fact that I am vulnerable around you and I don’t know how you feel.”
She took a breath. Wiping off her tears, she continued calmly.
“I fell in love without thinking. I didn’t think this through. This was not part of the plan. It was this weird accident. And now I can’t undo this knotted mess. Believe me, I’ve tried almost everything…” her voice fades.
“That’s why I’m mad at you… for making me feel all these weird emotions. I was happy. Now… I’m here. I’m doing things. I’m working, cooking, cleaning. Doing everything. And yet… I feel like I’m not here WITH me… Like there’s a part that’s just there… with you… dipping my feet, in a tiny stream of beautiful freshwater… up in the mountains…”
Her tears dried up.
“I’m trying to let go and hold on to you at the same time. One-sided love rarely makes anyone happy.”
The phone vibrates. It’s a call.
She picks up. It’s him.
“Hello! I saw your missed call. How are you doing?”